Letting Go

One day here. The next day gone.
No warning. No goodbye. It just ended.
I don’t get it.
 

It is like doing a disappearing act.
Now you see them. Now you do not.
Like voices swept away in a storm.
I have been waiting. Hoping.
Looking to see your faces.
Listening to hear your voices.
Stood here for quite a while now.
No luck yet.
 

Waiting. Contemplating. Questioning.
Considering the circumstances.
Searching on the inside. Looking on the outside.
Attempting to find an explanation.
Searching for a reason. Trying to understand.
I still don’t get it.
 

But still I wait. Still, I hope.
I keep my eyes peeled in eager expectation
I listen for the faintest signal.
Anticipating a glimmer of hope. One day soon.
A small sign. A Message. Something.
No luck so far.
 

So, I presume you have gone away for good.
With no way for me to contact you.
Gone undercover like in the movies. Disappeared.
Out of my life. Like chaff swept away in the wind.
Left behind are questions and distant memories.
Laughter. Christmases. Birthday cakes. Hugs.
I miss you all.
 

Sorrow fills the empty space that remains.
A great loss. Crushing. Unbearable. Painful.
Like a scalpel cutting its way into flesh.
Slowly. Steadily. Deliberately.
All hope seems lost. I am heavy laden.
I think, I get it now. It is becoming clearer.
 

This dark place has held me captive.
I am suffocating. I am drowning.
A slave to unanswered questions, loss, and grief.
Kidnapped by hurt, fear and shame.
Restrained by the clutches of darkness.
 

I choose to let go. I choose to forgive.
I lay it all down. Jesus, please take over.
Help me to start again. Strengthen me.
 

There is light in the distance and activity above.
A gentle breeze from behind prods me on.
An invitation to move forward. Out of this place.
Darkness is now behind me. The sandglass turns.
His hand is holding mine. I am not alone.
The old chapter ends. My rags are gone. Replaced.
 

Something is happening up ahead.
I hear, “I am doing a new thing. Come, look, and see.”
My legs tremble. I am scared. Unknown territory.
He knows. He looks at me lovingly and says, “It is good.”
I believe Him. Yes. I embrace this new thing.
I leave the old behind. Buried. No looking back.
I feel lighter. My heart skips like a young deer.
In anticipation of what is ahead.
New life. Springtime. The goodness of God.
 

A new chapter begins.